Your Story


One thought on “Your Story

  1. I’m single, and I don’t want to be. Now being single for 27 years you hear all kinds of reasons why this might be. “You need time to mature and grow up.” “You aren’t ready.” “God has other plans for you right now.” “You need to focus on ____ right now.” “You need to depend on God instead of man.” Now, those all can be very true depending on who you are and what point you are in your life, but if that is true for everyone, than does that mean the people who got married young were wrong? Did they just have it all together? What happens when at 27, right now, I think I am mature, ready, have time, and am focused on God but want a man as well?
    Let’s talk about God’s plan. In Genesis God made Man, but man was lonely…and God realized that was a problem! So God made him a companion, someone to walk and work beside him, a help-mate. He made woman. And only when he had the 2 of them together did he say it was good. God is love and gave us the ability to also love one another- the ability to see and show his love to others. God gave us marriage as a reflection of the goodness and beauty of His relationship with us, His church. God gave us sexual desires and the ability to reproduce. God has certainly created marriage with a purpose and called it good. But this was in the garden of Eden, when there was no sin in the world.
    Unfortunately, I live in the after-Eden days, the days where our sinful human choices have consequences that affect us all. When I was in college, maybe I did need to focus on other things. When I was 22, maybe I did have more learning and growing to do…but aren’t we all going to continue to learn and grow? Hopefully! But this loneliness I feel, this trying to live an adult life by myself with the help of church friends and family, this deep unfulfilled longing for my own family… I don’t think this is specifically what God would have planned for me if I lived in Eden. I think being single can be an awful thing which is a consequence of our culture that God is allowing to happen. When a boy dies because of a drunk car crash we don’t usually say God struck them down, we usually say God allowed the natural consequences of our sin. So why can’t being single, this thing that gives me pain, be something that God is simply allowing? Maybe it’s not specifically His plan. Maybe he would have rather had it a different way, but we made our choices and God respected that and let things happen. When people tell me to enjoy singleness, or that it’s for a purpose, or other kinds of advice, it makes me feel like it’s wrong to be sad that I am single…but if it’s a consequence of actions, maybe it’s okay to feel sad. Maybe it’s okay to miss this wonderful gift God intended for me, but currently isn’t happening.
    Now, does that mean that because I’m single I get to be grumpy and sad always? No. Thank goodness God is the important part of life and His blessings (such as marriage) are simply a bonus. If the goal is God and I have relationship with God, how can I be too sad about other lesser goals? If I have God, I have plenty to be thankful for. I am blessed that He loves me, that He chose me to be His child and bride, that He died for me, that He will always be with me, and that he will work everything out of the good of those who love the Lord. So even if this single time wasn’t in God’s original Eden plan for me, does that mean nothing good can come from it? No, of course not. God is going to bless me in my singleness, with friends, with joy, with lessons, with many things, because no matter what our culture has done to marriage and the consequences we are now reaping, God can and is turning mistakes into good. That is His job, redemption.
    So, is God’s plan for me to be single right now at 27? Maybe, but maybe not. It’s okay for me to be sad that I am not married, but despite the fact that my marriage plan has not happened, I can rest in the fact that no matter how messed up this world is, God is continually working for the good in my life. He can take whatever is thrown my way and make beautiful things happen. So even though I will allow myself time to be sad and not chastise myself for having these feelings, I will rejoice in the fact that God loves me. God is looking out for me, and whether a man comes into my life or not, I’ve already had the most important ceremony in my life…the one where I commit my life and my heart to God, the being who created love and made it possible.

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