Stray Thoughts from the Holiday of Love

Valentines has passed, yes.  But thoughts start to accumulate on that day.  And I thought it was worth a post.  Yes, I may be 30 and unmarried but I’ve always enjoyed this day.  Since college, I would usually try to find a wonderful lady and take her out and treat her special so she could have a special day.  I’ve always thought it was a great day for a low-pressure date.  You could take someone out, be really nice to them and not necessarily have a bunch of expectations attached.  One time in college after one of these, a group of guys from my dorm decided to celebrate a bunch of ladies (  yep, 3:08, I guess I do like to celebrate this holiday.

Sometimes girls get in big groups on Valentine’s Day to celebrate… or comizerize together.  To talk about boys or maybe just to act as if boys do not exist.

Inevitably, the party is planned, the girls are ready for the evening and 1 girl from the group gets asked out by a boy and she has to decide – “Do I say ‘yes’ and admit that boys do exist or do I say ‘no’ and join the ladies for some forgettable revelry?”

I hear girls, quite often, talk about guys not asking them out.  Not true.  In fact, talk to guys and you will find out in fact, how often guys are getting rejected.  Boom!  When a girl says, “Guys aren’t asking me out,” what she often means is, “the guy I want to ask me out is not asking me out.”  And for the guy… well, maybe he is just asking the wrong girls out.

I think its cool when a girl makes herself available for guys to ask her out.  It makes it simpler.   It gives the guy some confidence.

I also think its cool when a girl does wait for that guy and turns the others down along the way.

Just be you I guess.

That’s why it really is ok if Girl A chooses to stick with her lady crew for the evening or if she goes the other way and decides to go out with the boy.  But what she has to do is to be her.  Don’t hang out with the ladies talking about how a cute guy asked you out and you said ‘no’ to hold your “commitment” to the girls and that you were willing to make that “sacrifice” even though the boy was soooooooo cute…– no, no, no.

I liked Valentine’s Day in elementary school.  Lots of candy and lots of nice notes from classmates.  Everybody got to like everybody and you got to find out who really really liked you.  While you might give one girl a card that says, “You’re Cool or Be Good,” you could give another girl a card that said, “Be Mine or Hot Stuf.”  The implications were obvious and somehow, not creepy.

As I stated earlier, I was always down with the program of taking someone out on Valentine’s Day.  But I always knew I’d have to get through the inevitable circle of girls to get through.  It’s a tricky navigation but with the correct gps, there is a way through.  It was nice to treat a girl special, give her a cheesey card from days of old, and say nice things with the understanding that it was a unique day and that’s what it was, just a fun day.  No further expectation needed.

I liked that.  I wish people could still date like that.

But I’m pretty sure we can’t.  Because after we do, we enter back into our awesome communities where agendas, feelings and jealousy live (oh my!… more on awesome communities next week!).

Valentine’s Day.  What an interesting holiday.  So many options.  Come to think of it, I think single people are doing a lot more on this holiday than marrieds and single people are getting all worked up over it.  You hear of some marrieds doing something special and some treating it as another day.  Well, little Susie must decide whether to go out with Billy, her 14 lady friends, or the co-male/female ‘family’ dinner that night.  Don’t make it too difficult, just be you and do what you want to do.  Good luck Susie.


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