How much does finding the “right person” really matter?

We spend a lot of time looking for the “right person.”  Hoping to find “the one.”  Moving from relationship to relationship until it “feels” right.

And this isn’t all wrong…. But…. What if there is not a “right person?”  As in how we view the right person.  We often feel that if we marry the right person, if we find the one, then we win.  We will therefor live happily ever after because we found them!

Everything in culture says that if you find the right person, then everything will be alright.


When you open the Scriptures, you find very little about finding the “right person” but a lot about who we should become.

I think finding the right person and having a connection and chemistry is important.  But we often allow chemistry and connection to cause us to overlook character flaws.  I can be in the “best” relationship possible with the “right” girl and the best chemistry, but if I have trouble with keeping commitments, honoring girls, or another character flaw – regardless of how great the relationship is, it is inevitably doomed.

Unfortunately, the divorce rate stands around 50% inside and outside of the church despite people finding the right chemistry, the right connection, and the right person.

This is because…

The important thing isn’t finding the right person but becoming the kind of person who can keep a commitment. 

As we make daily choices in who we are becoming and how we are treating men and women inside and outside of relationships, the most important thing is to honor those relationships whether they are at a friendship, dating, or any other level.  And then we will become young men and ladies who are able to keep a commitment and honor another not because we made a promise (that half of us break) but because we have developed ourselves into people of honor and character who truly are able to love for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part.

(Regards to Andy Stanley again who encouraged these thoughts)


4 thoughts on “How much does finding the “right person” really matter?

  1. Completely agree with you, John! I would add too that sometimes even what we mean by “right person” is the foundational issue. I’ve discovered how often my idea of what is “right” is really just something cool in culture, but matters little or doesn’t matter at all to Jesus and His Kingdom.

  2. As an occasional reader, I wanted to you you know that this is my favorite post I’ve read. I’m married to a pretty incredible woman, but there are plenty of times that our commitment is what keeps us working at this relationship. We’re both sinners saved by grace, and since we’ve been married we’ve seen more and more of each other’s ugly sinful tendencies. No amount of ‘chemistry’ can sustain in marriage.
    I wouldn’t have said this 10 years ago, but if you find yourself interested in someone who loves Jesus and is interested in you as well, don’t over think it.
    I guess that sounds a lot like advice, but it’s something I wish someone had told me:)

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