I was sitting in a room with a couple of young married couples last night and remembered that I didn’t have a blog written yet. There used to be another single guy in the room too, but he left so it was just me and two married couples. I’m not really feeling that, it’s a little awkward, but oh well, let’s ask some questions.
“What is the most overrated thing that people are looking for in a spouse?”
The reason I ask this question is because I think everyone overrates themselves…at least, this is what McCoy tells me and I agree. We all think we are awesome and deserve someone even more awesome. In reality, we’re just ok and most everyone else is ok too. And there are some awesome ones, but we probably don’t deserve one. Sorry. We probably deserve someone ok just like us. And you know what, when you realize you are just ok, and you find someone ok, that makes you Awesome!
It is so overrated to be “Looking for someone who is ‘ready’.” Because no one is ready. I would still be single (if I was waiting to be ready or waiting for my spouse to be ready). You might not want to be homeless and maybe you’d like to have some food on the table but there’s too much waiting to be “ready.”
The other side chimes in, “People see ‘ready’ as the dude is set. What they see on the Bachelor or on movies. But ready is always different and always changes to where you are in life.”
This makes sense to me. I like it. I was always wanting to find the right girl when I wasn’t “ready” or “set.” I thought that’d make the relationships a lot more challenging, fun, and interesting. Like when I was an intern making nothing, that’d a been cool. I was an intern for 4 years so I had ample opportunity. What better time to meet a girl then when you are paying to work, don’t have a house, have a car in fumes, are living on a couch, and are eating power bars for dinner. #Dreamy.
Another thing that is overrated is “The List.”
“For me, my ‘List’ went like… I don’t live up to anything on my list.” “It took us awhile to realize that you don’t get married to be happy but to be holy. A lot of people think they get married and the rest of their world will be happy but that’s not true. I think life gets harder.” And the other side chimes in ”ummmmhmmm.”
This makes sense too. I used to have a “list.” A literal list. As in I wrote down everything I wanted. Then I decided not to have a list at all. So when people ask what I’m looking for, I say, “I don’t have a list! I will marry anyone who is godly and awesome.” Then they (as in Penny Stady) usually come back by asking me why I wouldn’t date certain awesome and godly girls and why I broke up with godly and awesome girls I have dated. Touché.
A third overration (it’s a new word), is…. “the feeling.” One of the peoples stated, “I lived in a fantasy dating world until I was 28. When you are done with the (fantasy) world, you can actually ask someone out.”
I agree. We are always searching for a feeling. Maybe you aren’t but I know I have before. And I strive not to but I know it happens. People are searching for a feeling and not a commitment. I think this is why there are so many failed marriages. People are searching for a feeling to get excited about a relationship rather than searching for a person to get excited about. Feelings go away, but people remain.
This is why arranged marriages work so well because they are based on commitment.
This isn’t the first time arranged marriages have come up on this blog. You all are probably just waiting for me to drop the bomb and let you know that dating is out and arrangements are in. It’d be so simple. I even asked a lady friend the other day, “Would you let me arrange your marriage?” She said, “yes.” I appreciated that. I’ll get to work on that.
So… 3 things to remember, you’re never gonna be ready, if you are waiting on a feeling – you are living in a fantasy world, and your list is dumb. Happy dating.