“I lived in fantasy dating world until I was 28.” – Anonymous

I was sitting in a room with a couple of young married couples last night and remembered that I didn’t have a blog written yet. There used to be another single guy in the room too, but he left so it was just me and two married couples.  I’m not really feeling that, it’s a little awkward, but oh well, let’s ask some questions.

“What is the most overrated thing that people are looking for in a spouse?”

The reason I ask this question is because I think everyone overrates themselves…at least, this is what McCoy tells me and I agree.  We all think we are awesome and deserve someone even more awesome.  In reality, we’re just ok and most everyone else is ok too.  And there are some awesome ones, but we probably don’t deserve one.  Sorry.  We probably deserve someone ok just like us.  And you know what, when you realize you are just ok, and you find someone ok, that makes you Awesome!

Some answers:

It is so overrated to be “Looking for someone who is ‘ready’.”  Because no one is ready.  I would still be single (if I was waiting to be ready or waiting for my spouse to be ready).  You might not want to be homeless and maybe you’d like to have some food on the table but there’s too much waiting to be “ready.”

The other side chimes in, “People see ‘ready’ as the dude is set.  What they see on the Bachelor or on movies.  But ready is always different and always changes to where you are in life.”

This makes sense to me.  I like it.  I was always wanting to find the right girl when I wasn’t “ready” or “set.”  I thought that’d make the relationships a lot more challenging, fun, and interesting.  Like when I was an intern making nothing, that’d a been cool.  I was an intern for 4 years so I had ample opportunity.  What better time to meet a girl then when you are paying to work, don’t have a house, have a car in fumes, are living on a couch, and are eating power bars for dinner.  #Dreamy.

Another thing that is overrated is “The List.”

“For me, my ‘List’ went like… I don’t live up to anything on my list.”  “It took us awhile to realize that you don’t get married to be happy but to be holy.  A lot of people think they get married and the rest of their world will be happy but that’s not true.  I think life gets harder.”  And the other side chimes in ”ummmmhmmm.”

This makes sense too.  I used to have a “list.”  A literal list.  As in I wrote down everything I wanted.  Then I decided not to have a list at all.  So when people ask what I’m looking for, I say, “I don’t have a list!  I will marry anyone who is godly and awesome.”  Then they (as in Penny Stady) usually come back by asking me why I wouldn’t date certain awesome and godly girls and why I broke up with godly and awesome girls I have dated.  Touché.

A third overration (it’s a new word), is…. “the feeling.”  One of the peoples stated, “I lived in a fantasy dating world until I was 28.  When you are done with the (fantasy) world, you can actually ask someone out.”

I agree.  We are always searching for a feeling.  Maybe you aren’t but I know I have before.  And I strive not to but I know it happens.  People are searching for a feeling and not a commitment.  I think this is why there are so many failed marriages.  People are searching for a feeling to get excited about a relationship rather than searching for a person to get excited about.  Feelings go away, but people remain.

This is why arranged marriages work so well because they are based on commitment.

This isn’t the first time arranged marriages have come up on this blog.   You all are probably just waiting for me to drop the bomb and let you know that dating is out and arrangements are in.  It’d be so simple.  I even asked a lady friend the other day, “Would you let me arrange your marriage?”  She said, “yes.”  I appreciated that.  I’ll get to work on that.

So… 3 things to remember, you’re never gonna be ready, if you are waiting on a feeling – you are living in a fantasy world, and your list is dumb.  Happy dating.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on ““I lived in fantasy dating world until I was 28.” – Anonymous

  1. “I lived in a fantasy dating world until I was 28. When you are done with the (fantasy) world, you can actually ask someone out.”

    “People are searching for a feeling and not a commitment. I think this is why there are so many failed marriages. People are searching for a feeling to get excited about a relationship rather than searching for a person to get excited about. Feelings go away, but people remain.”

    These two quotes are probably some of the best stuff written on this blog to date. #Truth.

  2. hahahahah! I love this, John :) This is so great. I agree with all of this and I love your statement on arranged marriages. Marriage truly is to make us more like Christ-not make us feel awesome about ourselves 24 hours a day (a personal lesson I am learning). The kind thing (of the many) about Christ is that He often gives us someone we actually really like to help teach us how to be holy-bonus.

    Keep these up!!!!!!!

    Love, Anna NOrman

  3. SO MUCH TRUTH here! I particularly love this: “A lot of people think they get married and the rest of their world will be happy but that’s not true.”

    I went through a season right after graduating from college when I had 30 friends per year get married!!! That’s 30 different weddings/year for about 2.5 years. Each of these couples came to the altar with so many expectations! Since then, I’ve been witness to the many “lightbulb” moments these newly weds have with each passing season of married life. The most consistent theme has been, as your friends put it, happiness doesn’t just float in out of nowhere and coat every aspect of your life now that you’re married. Sin is still real, and we are all still in process. The only constant is God–and He apparently prefers that marriage reflect Him not 1.5 hour Hollywood chic flicks.

    I am a huge fan of people throwing away their lists! I get a lot of flack for saying that. But sometimes I think our lists look more like a compilation of qualities we would like in another person so as to be comfortable and not to be challenged in ways that we need to be challenged. I’d get on board with lists when I see someone who has a list of the kind of person they want to become first. Maybe then I’d get on board. This coming from someone who used to have a list and then repented of the atrocity:)

    • Right on Cynthia, yep, it’s interesting to hear people’s stories. I am amazed from all the things I’ve seen in my friends’ marriages – from greatness and love, to divorce and heartache, and everything in between.

      Yeah, I think there may be a time and place for lists – but in a way of understanding what a godly woman/man is… as soon as we make it our “own” list… gotta throw it out!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s