Honesty, it’s a Rough Policy

I was in the kitchen of my apartment complex when I looked outside and noticed a shady character.  They were milling around our yard and they looked up to trouble.  I looked at my roommate and said, “Hey, what’s that dude up to out there?!  Looks like he’s up to trouble.”  His response, “Huh?  That’s my girlfriend.”  I look back outside and “oh crap, it is.”  Then I reply, “Oh no, not her, that other guy out there, he must have gotten away.”

I can’t imagine how honesty would have helped this situation.

I’ve heard girls say, “I wish guys would just be open and honest with what they feel and what they are thinking, it’d be so much easier!”

In theory, yes.  In reality, heck no.

You DO NOT want to know what I am thinking.  If you think us telling you what we are thinking would cause you less confusion……

Here’s the conversation in my head when I first saw you:

“When you walked in to the room, I thought you were really cute and you were on my mind for the next week…so I went on facebook but I couldn’t remember your name but I did know your friend so I looked through all the profiles of their friends until I found you and then I went through all of your photos and likes so I could create an image of who I thought you were before we had even spoken more than two sentences but then I saw some of your “likes” and preferences so I didn’t think we were very compatible but after that I noticed that your religion said “Jesus Saves” so I thought maybe I’d give you a chance and then we talked some more later in the week and I decided that I wasn’t that interested any more and that I think I liked another girl more… but then we talked again later that same night and I thought, maybe I am interested in you so I decided to observe you for awhile but the more I observed, the more  I began to find reasons why it wasn’t going to work with us….but then I read a book about how we’re not perfect and marriages are to serve and not to be served and I thought, maybe we can work this out but then I decided I might like that other girl so I probably shouldn’t be talking to you at all anymore if I’m not going to pursue you even though I really do enjoy talking to you and being around you… but then I heard a sermon of what a godly wife was like and I thought that sounded more like you so I kind of wanted to ask you to coffee or yogurt but I only wanted to get to know you without it being awkward or leading you on so I made it a group event…but then you didn’t come so I wasn’t sure if you were interested or if I should be more forward so I got your number and sent  you a text message to see how long it would take you to respond and when it took you forever to respond, I knew you must not be interested, but then I also thought, maybe she is so full of the Lord that she doesn’t need a man in her life… and I really liked that so then I texted you again and you responded right away and I thought, yes!, she is so in to me….but maybe a bit too much, maybe she just really wants to be married? does she even like me? why is she responding so quickly? she doesn’t even know me!…. so then I sent you a message back… but not right away, but not too long either, in the 13-35 minute range so that you would know that yeah, I have things to do, but you’re pretty important too so I don’t have that many things… so I invited you to another group activity even though I really just wanted to just be with you – but… I ended up avoiding you the whole evening… so I wrote a message on your wall so you would know that you were important to me despite me avoiding you at our group activity for fear of people knowing I was in to you and asking me about us before we had even decided if we want us to be an “us”, but then I saw another guy writing on your wall and I got jealous so I thought maybe I did really really like you, but then we became like best friends so I ignored you for the next 3 weeks because I didn’t think I could have a girl who was a best friend especially if I wasn’t going to marry her… but then I listened to a teaching on how you should marry your best friend so I considered proposing to you that week but I got cold feet so I decided to send you another text so I could count how long it would take till you would respond this time…and I was thinking all the while that you might be “the one” for me but I couldn’t decide if you were “the one” or if I really wanted you to be “the one” or if you were “the one” God had chosen for me or if I had simply decided to make you “the one”  …so I couldn’t decide what was best…whether to not talk to you anymore or whether just to marry you… it’s a tough decision but nothing I can’t figure out before the first real date.

Honesty?  I’m gonna skip that policy.  Save us both the trouble.

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19 thoughts on “Honesty, it’s a Rough Policy

  1. LOL You might want to explore the difference between over-sharing and honesty.. I feel like all of that could have been explained as “I don’t yet know how I feel… I’ll let you know when I know for sure.” ;)
    ~K

  2. Wow- I’m pretty sure I’ve had this exact dialogue in my head, with some variation for the fact that its not considering asking a guy out, but just deciding that if he would ask me out, I would go and be excited about it, or not. Which is in a way, even more silly, since I don’t have control over the situation. I completely agree with the earlier comment- guys and girls may not be that different in this way after all.

  3. I disagree that as woman we do not want to hear the truth. If you are serious about relat you should have nothing to hide and be willing to shoot straight about a situation or intention an the same thing goes with woman. I once dated a guy who straitup told me he was intetested in me and wanted to spend time getting to know me becauae he was in a position to look for a wife and had been interested in me for awhile. He was very clear that he was not asking me to marry or date him but wanted to get together and talk and share eachothers hearts about our goals veiws dreams etc. I honestly even tho i was intrterested was shocked at his straightforward honesty but absolutely to this day respect him for being a man and knowing what he wants and not playing games. As men an woman of christ who claim to be pursuing and commitmed to “serious” relat and not playing the field we need to know what we want in a spouse before we start looking. Lest we wander aimlessly from woman/man to woman/man chamging our mind based on her/his personality our own mood at the moment or the lateat sermon we heard. Granted nobody is perfect nor should you expect them to be. I am far from it lol. But you need to have specific things you are looking for that you are not willling to compromise on otherwise you will run from relat to relat date to date and never commit because just maybe that new guy/gal at house church is better than this other person you’ve been flip flopping about for past five min. You wouldn’t go to buy a car without some soet of idea of what you wanted. Sure you might wander a lot for “fun” or just “casually looking” but a serious person will have a set price speciific things they want etc. How much more should you with a spouse! If you do not know what you want in a spouse that’s totally fine but frankly you should not be going out with someone until you have a gameplan. Dating a bunch of people to “figure it out” is a dangerous and horrible idea. You need to take time to figure it out and if you are unsure about someone treat them as you would a brother or sister until you are sure. I think we to often forget that our heart is not the only one on the line. We all want to meet someone and fall in love an have the romantical shaped by God story but that only comes when were seeking him and approaching relat as he would see fit. In a selfless ans loving way without a demanding the world is my oyster mentality of the world or casual meat market shopper attitude. Men and woman are not a caravan of wares. Where not allmayflies that are gonna die this month. Se we don’t need to frantically interveiw and flirt with each male/female we come into contact with and try to have every detail pinned down. Lets keep it classy. Were called to love and serve one another with a purpose. And in that process of completely sefless loving and serving we get to know eachother in a non gameshow enviorment and thru that allow the lord to work and then take a chance.

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