My friend Jeff Hartley asked me what I was gonna do about a certain girl that I like. He knew that I had been interested in her for awhile. I replied, “Absolutely nothing.” ….”but don’t get me wrong Jeff, if another guy asks her out and she says yes, I will be very jealous.”
He knew she was the type of girl who, “Yeah, I’d married her. I just don’t know if I want to. I might want to. Someday. I’m just not sure right now. Sometimes I think I do. Sometimes I’m not sure at all. I mean, I’d be the happiest guy alive if I did marry her. But I’m just not sure if she’s the one I want to marry. So in the meantime, I will continue to ponder the possibilities of potentially asking her out on an actual date and seeing if there is something more there but maybe I won’t find out what I want to find out and I’ll be left continuously wondering whether she is the one for me or not. Yeah, that’s the type of girl she is.” You may think I’m crazy. I either think …A – you are just like me. Or… B – you are absolutely correct.
This got us into stories about girls we had never gone out with, never asked out – and then got jealous when she started dating another guy.
I remember one time where I had been interested in this girl and had thought about asking her out. I was half-heartedly kind of trying and was even gonna ask one night before another guy corned her for the evening. And while I was thinking, “Should I? Should I not? When should I? When should I not?” …she starts dating this other guy! And my heart sank. I was depressed for about 2 days. Because I thought, maybe, someday, maybe I would want to ask her out!
I was obviously down on this guy. But not only him, if a close friend were to do this to me, I’d be down on him too. “Did what?” Exactly, he wouldn’t even know what he did. But he should just know, she was for me. Maybe. If I decided that maybe perhaps I think someday she will be for me.
I was meeting with one of my pastors, Phil Comer, one time and he asked me what was going on. I told him that a friend of mine had asked out a girl I thought I might like so I was mad at him (my friend). Phil told me that was really dumb. I told him “I know. But I’m still mad at him.”
It goes like this…
I’m jealous of you (my friend) even though I love you, support you and want what’s best for you unless I think what’s best for you might be what’s best for me then I might want it for myself but as long as what’s best for you is not something I am interested in at the moment, then I fully support you and love you and want that for you and I will be by your side so long as I don’t decide that what that best thing is in your life is best for me too.
Yeah, I think that’s about what goes through my mind.
During this conversation with Jeff, he tells me he is thinking about asking out Kari Jobe. I said, “Who is that?” He said, “A singer.” A good response from me might be “cool Jeff, that’s awesome” “you should do that” …something like that. And in fact, that probably was my actual response, “Cool Jeff, that’s awesome, do it”. But on the inside of me, I was thinking, “Why do you get to ask her out? What if I want to ask her out?”
Later that night while Jeff was in one room and me in another, I googled Kari so I also might know if I wanted to ask her out.
I’m not a bitter single. I love it when my friends get married. I love seeing two people find the one they want to spend their lives with, fall in love, and journey through life together.
But I sure can be a jealous single. Not jealous as in “I want to be married, why are they married and I’m not!” Nah, I’m cool with being single. I’m jealous in a “I want what I want at all times with all options, possibilities, choices, and selections” kind of way.
(Side note: I’m not of the jealous type who doesn’t “allow” my friend or someone to date someone I like. I think that’s really stupid. In fact, I think they have great tastes.)
Me and Jeff began to talk about James 4. It says, “What cause fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. …You do not have because you do not ask God.”
Yep. The Word of God stands forever. That’s good, real good. I’m pretty sure I’d be much better off loving, supporting others and then simply asking God to fill my needs. And I’m also pretty sure that I’m pretty messed up.
We, as in guys (or maybe it’s just me…or maybe me and Jeff…but don’t put that on Jeff, I need him to have a great reputation so he will let me keep writing about him…so assume its just me), have a nest of like 14 girls that we are interested in, and maybe someday we’ll marry one one day or maybe take one on a date, and as long as you don’t ask one of them out, we’re cool but as soon as you do, well, we ain’t boys anymore.
If you are thinking, “that sounds really bad and not Christian at all.” You’re right. And I’m in process. God help me. In the meantime Jeff, she’s not in my 14, so go for it brother.