30 and singleiscious: Camels, sheets, & Dan

There’s a lot of opinions being formed about me.  And my people.

I should marry the next girl I find who will say yes.  I should marry the next girl I meet who is hot and godly.  I should wait until I “know.”  I’ll find her when I stop looking.  I should pray until she just shows up.  I should ask more girls out. And I should definitely worry about becoming the right person as opposed to finding the right person.

Everybody’s got an opinion.  Especially the married ones.  Something worked for them so it should work for me too.

These great people like to tell me I’m missing out on something.

I like to tell them that they’re missing out on something. (It makes me feel better.)

The fact is, we’re both right.

I envy the married one’s closeness, relationship/friendship, and the awesome things married people get to do together.

Married people envy some of the “freedoms” and adventures that us singles get to have.  They can say they don’t.  But I can see the disappointment on their faces when we go on spur of the moment road trips and they aren’t able to join in.  As soon as they’ve said, “I have to check with my wife”, we are already halfway down I-5.  It gives us singles a little feeling of victory.

Some people act like I don’t want to get married.  This is far from the truth.

In my world, I was going to graduate college, marry my sweetheart and start life.  And I was on a fairly good track until the right lady came around at the wrong time and the wrong lady came around at the right time and before you know it, “life” is happening.

I think we try to act like everything in life is planned out for us and will “happen” as it should.  But then we live freaking out about everything that is and isn’t happening.  We’re a strange people.

I think we simply make choices.  And how to find the “right” girl or whatever, there is no rhyme or reason…and the Bible is pretty vague.  It speaks of wisdom and then leaves us to ourselves.  The Bible is pretty full of different ways of people getting together.  It seems to really like arranged marriages.  I’m not completely opposed.  I’ve been in discussions with Dan Sagers about some possibilities of arranging each other’s marriages.  Last April, we decided that we were going to first start with arranging a date for each other.  But first we had to each read the New Testament in a month.  I finished in a month.  I’m still waiting for Dan-o to finish.  Maybe he is not as high on arrangements as I am.

The church is also pretty full of different ways.  I hear a lot of teaching and a lot of relationship sermons.  I like some.  I don’t like some.  But there sure are a lot of angles.  Joshua Harris had some innovative angles which some people hold responsible for the detriment of Christian dating.  I wouldn’t take it that far.  I actually enjoyed his stuff.

But maybe I enjoyed it too much and it caused me to kiss the prime dating years of my life away.

The Bible doesn’t give a prescription.  Instead it gives a lot of stories.  I used to give people prescriptions and opinions.  I think stories are better.

I can’t say that I have learned much about dating.

Other than that it is an inexhaustible pit with no right way to do it.

It used to be a pit of awesomeness, like exciting and fun.  Then it became a pit of, “Can I just get this over with and find “the one” already?!”

I really never wanted to date much.  Thanks Josh.

I just wanted to wait and find my wife.

Turns out that was more tricky than I thought and it also included some dating. And even more attempts…at dating.

I also thought, God would just tell me who I was gonna marry, I would marry her and it would be great.

Either, I wasn’t listening, it doesn’t always work like that, or I just haven’t waited long enough.

Maybe it’s a combination of all.

I’m really not sure.  But I do think the journey is pretty fun.

So as to not forget the ladies…for those who are waiting for that man… there are lots of stories and opinions for you too….  Make yourselves “more” available, make yourselves “less” available, maybe just crawl under his sheets (Ruth 3:8 – it is a proven biblical way of successful marriage), or pray for him until he asks you out (I’ve heard this works), or bring him some water for his camels (Genesis 24:14-15 another proven biblical success story), or just become really good friends with Dan.  Maybe when he finishes his reading, he can hook you up.  Arrangement style.


13 thoughts on “30 and singleiscious: Camels, sheets, & Dan

  1. I am still giggling as I finish this- mainly because I can see Dan reading this and attempting to perhaps finish- or give someone else the task of finishing so he- or whoever gets the email can get you a date:)

    I am so glad you decided to start this here blog and that we get to join in on these stories.

    I may attempt a couple of these waiting tips here in Florida- or maybe I’ll just focus on Shoreline for now.

    • You know Dan too well Brittany. In fact, you will probably know how these stories end before you get there. Thank you Brittany! haha, you are funny.

  2. Haha all-around good stuff Johnny. Just to clarify, it’s not that I’m down on arranged marriages (I think they’re great examples of people making a decision to love and serve their spouse every day), I just like to have a little more involvement in such things personally.

    That being said, I’ve got a great guy in mind for you ladies, so please feel free to reach out to me. Just be prepared – I’ve got high standards for my guy Mr. Ross. :)

  3. Advice from an old, married cousin. I didn’t meet my hubby (also named John) until I was 30. I had had many of the same thoughts that you shared in this post. What helped me was writing a relationship resume. I outlined what I had to offer in a relationship and what I wanted from a marriage relationship. Most importantly in this process, I asked family and friends for input. What did they see in me that I didn’t? What kind of person did they feel would be right for me. I shared the resume with trusted friends and family after it was completed and got “set up” on a few dates. It took awhile but when God led me to John, I knew right away that he was someone I wanted to get to know and could build a future with. Fifteen years later, we thank God for bringing us together in his perfect timing.

  4. Nice work John. I think you painted a great picture of your heart in this debacle: that you truly are pretty kicked back about the whole “dating” thing. There is a great balance in this blog between wanting to marry but having a genuine patience for it. Sometimes you hear people say they are patient in waiting on the Lord for this, but you know their head is seconds from exploding from the built up pressure.

  5. I always loved the advice that married people gave me, especially those that married their high school or college “sweethearts.” Just because it was so easy for you to find the right person, doesn’t mean it is for the rest of us. If/when I get married I hope I can remember it wasn’t that easy and only try to get wisdom (advice) when it’s actually solicited.

    • Clarification: I didn’t actually mind the advice. Some of it was actually pretty good. But sometimes it could be frustrating to hear the same advice from multiple sources, especially when that approach wasn’t working for me. There simply isn’t a one size fits all model for dating.

      • I think you summed everything up perfectly right there. It’s not that its bad advice… it simply that there is no one size fits all. Everyone and every relationship is different. It is funny though… when the person who married their high school sweetheart tries to give you advice – no offense, but I just can’t respect that…. I mean, I’m happy for them but they have no clue what the actual dating/relationship process looks like for the rest of us

  6. John, I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth with this post. There are so many voices coming at me with advice on dating, it feels a little crazy sometimes. What does it mean to wait well but to also sort through the advice and take action on the good advice, while trusting the Lord? This is the relevant question for singles. And I have no idea what the answer is. Maybe I should go with the camel idea. Love the blog – keep telling these stories, I’ll keep reading!

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